The Secret

I started the year with The Lie and I'm ending with The Secret. From an artistic standpoint I love that. I can honestly say though I never expected this song would be written. That's because I never expected to be inspired to write it. You never know in January where you will be in December. You can plan, you can work but you can't know.
I didn't expect Secret Sage to become such a huge part of my life. I didn't expect it to mean this much to me. I couldn't have known what it would do to my family. What it would do to me. I didn't know Dani. Not like I know her now. I didn't know what I thought I knew about myself.
I wasn't going to do another year of the Calendar Project after last year. I had the band. I wrapped the project up so nice. It was over. But I'm compulsive. Once I did January I planned on getting to December. I worked towards finishing the year. I didn't know I'd end up here.
I couldn't have know that when I chose to write about secrets and lies that by December they would consume me.  I lied to myself first. Kept my own thoughts secret from me. I worked and planned to control my emotions. I have been having a love affair with my guitar for years. This year my cup runneth over. She whisked me away. I didn't know who I would find on that path. The band members all got swept away with me. We created are own little world. I lost my way back to where I started. My life doesn't resemble January at all anymore. There's promise there, but right now I mostly mourn what I've left behind. What's left me behind. I'm not sure I've moved at all.
I don't have any more secrets. I'm not telling anymore lies. I didn't expect to fall in love.

I don't know what next year will look like. Right now 2013 is so unclear to me. I can't say I've ever had this much uncertainty in my life. Not in my adult life anyway. I don't want to end the Calendar Story this open ended. I don't intend to. I thought it was over already. I'm following music. I'm following my heart. I'm in the fog right now though. I simply can't see the road in front of me. I know where I want to end up, most days. I plan on getting there. I'll work on getting there.
I just don't know...
I can't know if I'll get there.

The Secret